by Cary Millsap, 6 September 2001
On several occasions since the birth of Hotsos in 1999, we have had the privilege of immersing ourselves in the Danish technological community, guided by our sister company, Miracle A/S of Måløv, near Copenhagen. In case you are unaware, Denmark is the birthplace of several technological achievements including the invention of queueing theory by Agner Erlang (1878–1929), and the construction of quantum physics by Niels Bohr (1885–1962).
Denmark is also the home of a particular large oak table in an old blacksmith’s shop in Måløv where, over various glasses of øl (a traditional Danish drink), about a dozen representatives of the best Oracle performance optimization talent in the world congregate a few times each year. Around this table, many interesting ideas have been cultivated, and a few important innovations have already been born.
Undskyld is a Danish word that means, “excuse me,” or, more to the point: “I’m sorry.” The word is best pronounced by a native Dane, but it is possible for even an American to say it, if he has first used a sufficient amount of øl to lubricate his gullet. Its beginning is pronounced just like the English prefix “un,” like in “unskilled”; not with the long “oo” sound that you would hear in German. But then it gets harder with the ‘y’ in the skyld part. This is pronounced rather like the ‘ö’ of the German schön, or the ‘eu’ of the French peur. For Americans, the sound comes out alright if you try to force the letter ‘e’ through lips positioned correctly for saying the letter ‘o.’ When you’ve practiced it properly, you say something like /un-sköt/, with only slight emphasis placed upon the second syllable.
The word undskyld has grown to prominence in the Oracle Denmark customer community. It is now customary, as a joke, to use this word to apologize about anything and everything, even things for which we bear no responsibility. Of course to apologize is the ladylike and gentlemanly thing to do, regardless of whether or not you have actually caused an inconvenience. Hence, it is always appropriate—and always polite—to say undskyld, no matter what the occasion. Especially when there might be doubt.
In the finest Danish tradition of science and apology, the Undskyld! page at hotsos.com will contain links to articles that explain flaws in information distributed to the public about Oracle system performance. We intend to focus special attention on those works whose scope of educational damage is most widespread as a result of extraordinary popularity. When we see or hear information about Oracle that is sloppy, misleading, or just plain wrong, we intend to tell you about it. We shall provide valid, reproducible scientific evidence to guide you through our analysis, so that you will be left with more value than simply another opinion.
We hope that as a result, you will acquire a more critical eye for performance theories, and in the end, that you will become a more self-reliant performance analyst. Furthermore, we hope our small effort will help the whole Oracle system performance community become more objective and more apt to judge a theory upon the merits of its empirical provability instead of its subjective attributes. Perhaps this will help make Oracle system performance a science accessible to everyone, not an art to be practiced only by consultants with superior marketing skills.
We don’t mean to offend anyone, but to meet our goal, we’re bound to break a few eggs, so to speak. And for that, of course, we offer a thorough, traditional Danish apology: Undskyld, undskyld, undskyld.